yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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