Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
