What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
