just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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