dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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