You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My bed smells like the plague
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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