In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
