I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
do nipples grow back?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
