Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
These tits shall not be calmed
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