i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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