i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
