Your face is a jimmy john
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
