We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
