I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
