MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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