i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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