I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
