It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
