I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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