There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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