I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
