i wish my penis had a tongue
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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