I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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