to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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