My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
