The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
