went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
