you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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