I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
