i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
