READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
