While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
