go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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