he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
