There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
