nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
