i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He passed out mid-signature
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
