we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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