i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
