Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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