what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
