Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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