I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
