The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
