How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How does it feel to date your dad?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
