so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this boner is exhausting
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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