Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
