Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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