i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
