I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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